Your Unique Job Skills, Illustrated
My favorites from your many hilarious comments
You people are funny and wonderful
A couple weeks ago, I wrote this post about five non-existent jobs I am uniquely qualified to do, and I asked if any of you had similar talents.
WELL! You absolutely do! Please go read the comments if you have not already. They are charming and droll and just made me appreciate every one of you so much. Imagine if we could all hang out together and share our many obscure skills with one another!
I said I would pick a winner, illustrate their special skill, and send them the illustration. Instead I picked four, and I would’ve loved to have chosen more. Special shout-out to Tina, who can find the source of any annoying hum or sound; Amy, who can detangle any yarn, necklace, or other complicated twisty thing (and actually wrote, “Got a complicated necklace in knots? Knot anymore!” for which I will always be grateful); and the many people who said they are brilliant at figuring out how to fit various things into various other things, which is indeed an important and special skill.
But! I couldn’t draw all of them, so here are the four I chose:
The Ant at the Hardware Store
Carol shared this story, which is not exactly about a special skill, but it is in response to what I wrote about ants and it’s so funny that I seriously can’t stop laughing and telling it to other people.
She posted a link to where this story lives on her website, but I’m actually going to quote the whole thing here because I love it so much:
Last year I had a problem with ants in my kitchen, but at the hardware store there were several different kinds of poison and each package said, “Will kill this kind of ant, but not that kind.” So I went back home to figure out what kind I had.
The first step was to capture one, which wasn’t hard. The second step was to capture one without squishing it, which took a little longer. Once I had one in captivity, I went online to identify it by looking at pictures and descriptions and comparing them to my ant under a magnifying glass. “Does it have a slender waist?” Hmm. Where exactly was this guy’s waist? (Did we learn in school that ants have waists?)
I gave up. Instead, remembering how many times the hardware store employees had given me great household advice, I took the ant in its container back to the store, found the man in insecticides, and asked, “Do you know what kind of ant this is? I want to buy the right poison for it.”
Trained to be super helpful, he said, “Heck, I’ll kill it for you right here if you want.”
When I was able to speak, I thanked him and explained that there were actually more at home. Unfazed, he showed me what I needed and I went home to slay the ants.
The Tape and Foil Sorter-Outer
Mark (who writes
) said, “I am perfectly happy to sort out what the hell happened to the aluminum foil so everything's lined up properly and even again. (Will do the same for a roll of tape, but the zen quality of the task is somewhat lesser.)”I could use this service almost every time I pull out this roll of packing tape, and would very much enjoy being able to hand this to someone else who could sort it out for me. Thank you, Mark.
The Calendar-Turner
Fred says, “I am the official change the month on all the calendars. Whether at work or home. I will do it for free.”
Now see, this is a very useful skill, but more importantly, he loves it enough that he’d do it for free. That shows dedication and passion. I hope Fred feels a bit of well-deserved pride every month when he changes those calendars.
Complimenting the Elderly
Laurie (who writes
) said, “According to my husband, my greatest obscure talent is noticing and encouraging the elderly who are usually overlooked. “Great scarf you have there!” I’ll say to a wizened woman shuffling out of church. You should see them transform! It is truly glorious. If you’re old and made an effort- whether it’s a funky fedora or silly scarf- I’m your champion and I’m going to let you know you are not invisible to me.”Now, if any of you readers of a certain age are taking a bit of umbrage at the suggestion that you are either invisible or in need of compliments, I’m just going to say that it is my greatest ambition to someday be an elderly person (it’s not really that far off, honestly), and that I already appreciate compliments from strangers and intend to do so well into my dotage. I have one coat that is now almost (how is this possible) twenty years old, and the reason I’ve kept it this long is that it’s just about the only thing I wear that gets me compliments from nice strangers like Laurie.
I made a video about my new book
I went to the park and filmed a two-minute video of me talking about my new book. It only took eight hours to make this. (maybe not eight, but it felt like eight.) I can get one sentence out of my mouth before I have to look at my notes again, so this ends up being many, many takes stitched together, with footage of other things to cover the awkward transitions, and lots of standing around waiting for a noisy bus to drive by. (A few years ago I made a class on how to make a book video, and this is basically the method I still follow.)
I do like to make these videos, though, because I learned a long time ago that people who interview you about your book don’t always have time to read the book first—but they can watch a two-minute video and come up with some ideas for questions. Plus, it feels productive, and authors with a book about to come out need something to do to feel productive, or they’re likely to wander around and get into trouble.
Anyway, I’m excited to share this book with the world next month. It’s available for pre-order everywhere books are sold, but the nice people at Broadway Books here in Portland will take pre-orders for signed copies, then I’ll go down to the store and sign them for you all when they come in around mid-July.
Paid subscribers are finishing 4 weeks of travel sketching
To wrap up a four-week mini-intensive on travel sketching, I went out to a park in Portland, pretended to be a tourist, and filmed myself doing 5, 10, and 20-minute sketches. Also, ducks! There were ducks.
All this and more can be yours for the price of a couple of pencils, and you’ll get access to the whole archive, too.
Coming up: Trees! Not just goofy little trees like these—although there will be some goofy trees. I’ll also show you how to do the “looking up at trees” paintings I did for the cover and many places inside my new book. Join us!
The Bit at the End
Order a SIGNED copy of my new book, The Tree Collectors: Tales of Arboreal Obsession, from Broadway Books in Portland, OR.
Come find me on Instagram, or see paintings for sale- Right here
Order signed copies of some of my books from my husband’s bookstore, or order my books and many books I love at Bookshop.org
Take one of my online writing or art classes here
I’m considered elderly in some circles and I brighten up at compliments, but I also love to give compliments. I try to compliment someone every day. I get complimented quite often on my silver and lavender hair and I always look to see if someone is wearing pretty jewelry.
This is so sweet. I love that you illustrated their odd jobs, and I especially love Laurie's idea for complimenting the elderly. It's something I never thought of doing, but plan to now!