111 Comments

Delightful! I’m a crappy parallel parker, but I don’t let that stop me irritating my fellow motorists.

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well that's all that matters, really!

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I could totally be a parallel parker too. Don't worry, I can make it fit.

But my other job: do you need someone to pick out the exact right size container for leftovers? I can pull it out on the first try and it will be filled to the brim with every scrap of your leftover stew (or whatever), and then I will make it fit in your fridge no matter how much awkwardly shaped stuff is in there.

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I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! I could've used your help last night! I went a size too large and regret it.

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This is an excellent skill. I love it when I get the size right!

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Amy, you need to check out the person responsible for all the clocks in Windsor Castle: https://www.bbc.com/news/in-pictures-54387428 You could be an apprentice to him.

My non-existent job was one I did while working at an actual job in an office environment. Co-workers would bring me their sad little planters with sad little houseplants all crammed together and ask me to "fix them" since that little planter was from their beloved parent's or grandparent's funeral and thus those plants meant the world to them. I'd get out some scissors, and we'd talk about their departed loved one while I trimmed out dead leaves, pulled out rotted plants, and explained the perils of overwatering in a container with no drainage. I sometimes gently suggested they get a nice pot with drainage holes and repot the one or two plants still living. Then I'd send them off with their partially-revived planter and a plan to save the remaining plants.

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YES!

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That is a true service! I kill plants at an alarming rate.

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What a compassionate and valuable service. You saved more than plants

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

That was quality, Amy. Made me laugh even though I'm a little hung over and it's 6:30am.

I practice the art of cajoling animals to come in or out of the house of their own accord even though they would prefer to stay where they are and some of them are cats.

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Oh that's a very good skill!

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

I am a detangler. Yarn gone wrong? I can right it! Got a complicated necklace with knots? Knot anymore!

I am also a bug remover (but have required a consultant for a giant house spider-I was not properly prepared,) and ant entrance detective. I have experimented with a variety of sealants, ant traps & piles of borax/cinnamon to block that entrance. They are impressively persistent beasts.

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I have a drawer full of chains with knots in them - can I bring them over?

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KNOT ANYMORE! You already have a slogan!

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

I am phenomenally good at removing splinters.

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I need to learn your ways.

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Oh that's a very good one! Because you have to not only be good at it, you have to kind of enjoy it. Not everybody does. I feel like there's demand for this one.

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Listener. I could just sit and listen to people without ever having to say a word. Maybe ask a question or two. I’m a naturally nosy person, I love listening to people’s stories.

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

Me, too. Especially, whining and problems that are repeated over and over.

I am surprised my ears don't fall out. LOL

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Really good. Years ago, when I started to find myself in work situations where I had to make awkward small talk with strangers, I realized that I had infinite capacity to listen to: home remodel stories, vacation/travel gone wrong stories, and most medical stories. These are stories nobody really wants to hear, so when people find a willing audience, you're good for at least half an hour of conversation. They think they're boring me, but they're saving me from having to think of things to say.

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

I’m a knit-fixer. I travel with a crochet hook and scissors. If you snag a thread on your sweater or cap, I can stretch it back into shape. If you’re sporting a hand-knitted garment that contains a dropped stitch (I wear these all the time), I can fix it. My secret weapon is a felting needle. After your knitted mistake is back in place I will whip out my trusty felting needle and cushion and stab the heck out of that sucker so it felts to the surrounding fabric. The spot might be a little fuzzy after that, but your garment is fixed for good.

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I have a particular sweater that could use your services on the regular. It catches on the little crossbody bag I wear everywhere. It's the only thing I own that catches on this bag, so I'm not giving up the bag. The sweater is a problem though.

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I’m telling ya - felting needle. I have a wool felting cushion about 4” square that is always with me. Felting needles are super sharp and they work on almost any fiber except certain polyesters. Light, quick jabs will do minimal damage to the fabric. You can store the needles by sticking them into the sides of the cushions. As a bonus, it’s very cathartic to stab something repeatedly.😉

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

I could be the “yes it will fit” furniture placer. I can tell with 3/4 of an inch to spare where a couch or bed or unwieldy armoire can go. I can also perfectly match a color with my paints (handy when touching up hallway paint you don’t own anymore—I use my acrylics) and I can tell when a font is as little as .2 points off.

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Oh that's handy! But can you predict whether that large piece of furniture will make it up the stairs and around the corner, that's the struggle I'm having right now.

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Yes I can! It’s called “PIVOT!” 😋

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I would love to be able to fix the paint on our walls with a touch up like that. This is a wonderful skill.

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I am also good at relocating bugs, especially spiders! I usual call it rescuing, though. 😊

I’m quite adept at folding fitted sheets, backing into parking spaces, and removing stickers and labels (and their residue) from almost anything—even book covers!

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Sticker removal is a very useful skill! My husband is very good at getting stickers off books, and I found out how handy this was when I once had a bandage with incredibly sticky adhesive that I was very squeamish about pulling off. He put all his skills to use and I was so impressed.

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Folding fitted sheets? Really? I can NOT get it right, even from all the how to videos I’ve viewed. This is a gift from someplace beyond the universe. If there isn’t a Greek goddess of folding fitted sheets, you may want to claim that title.

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I inherited this skill from my mom, I think! It is a little trickier with modern sheets, though, with the elastic all the way around. But I can manage it.

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

I don't have any weird skills that I can think of right now, but I do have an anecdote about ants: one time there was a trail of ants going down under my dining room table, and my four-year-old daughter was occupying her time finding food crumbs from the floor and feeding the ants. I didn't have the heart to stop her.

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Love it!

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I’m a dab hand at re-puttying a window

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Now that's starting to sound like an actual real job!

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😂 possibly a very niche career here in the U.K. as most folks got rid of the old windows for plastic double glazing in the 90s 😬

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Me too, also can repair double hung windows-sash cords, weights, parting beads, etc. No one has them anymore.

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May 24·edited May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

This cracked me up - thanks for a good morning laugh. I'm going to try the ant thing. I once consulted my friendly Ace Hardware man about this issue, and that turned out pretty funny, too. https://www.subversivecopyeditor.com/blog/2010/06/when-words-can-kill.html

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OMG THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE READ IN FOREVER

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

I am a champion weed puller, having made more than one VW Bug-sized mtn of hand pulled weeds so far this spring.

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see now, this one too is very close to an actual real job! But there is the satisfaction of doing it just for the pleasure of seeing that big pile of weeds.

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

My husband refers to me as Spackler to the Stars. I can spackle nail holes in walls like nobody’s business. No putty knife needed. This skill is a great one to have since my picture hanging skills, though good are not great.

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Very useful!

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May 24Liked by Amy Stewart

I am the official change the month on all the calendars.

Whether at work or home. I will do it for free.

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That's good! I have a calendar that's still on March that could use your help.

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