Saying No Gracefully, Victorian Style
from the great poet William Wordsworth
A couple weeks ago, I spent an absolutely glorious day at Dove Cottage, where William Wordsworth once lived, and at his other home at Rydall Mount, less than an hour away by foot along a perfectly delightful path through a bucolic English landscape. If I’m laying the superlatives on a little thick, it’s because everything about this place was perfect: the scenery, the history, the literature, the luxurious (Rydall Mount) and humble (Dove Cottage) historic homes, and THIS:
A hilarious and inspiring look into Wordsworth’s life as a famous poet, in his old age. He didn’t have to contend with social media, but even in 1843, fame brought with it all sorts of unwelcome obligations.
Posted on the wall at Rydall Mount is a copy of this letter, declining an appointment to be England’s poet laureate. The Southey he refers to is Robert Southey, one of his closest friends, who served as poet laureate before it was offered to Wordsworth.
Take notes, folks.
Rydal Mount, Ambleside, April 1. 1843.
My Lord,
The recommendation made by your Lordship to the Queen, and graciously approved by her Majesty, that the vacant office of Poet Laureate should be offered to me, affords me high gratification. Sincerely am I sensible of this honour; and let me be permitted to add, that being deemed worthy to succeed my lamented and revered friend, Mr. Southey, enhances the pleasure I receive upon this occasion.
The appointment, I feel, however, imposes duties which, far advanced in life as I am, I cannot venture to undertake, and therefore must beg leave to decline the acceptance of an offer that I shall always remember with no unbecoming pride.
Her Majesty will not, I trust, disapprove of a determination forced upon me by reflections which it is impossible for me to set aside.
Deeply feeling the distinction conferred upon me, and grateful for the terms in which your Lordship has made the communication,
I have the honour to be,
My Lord,
Your Lordship’s most, obedient humble servant,
William Wordsworth
After writing such a gracious and carefully-considered letter of rejection, he of course turned to a friend and told her the real reason he didn’t want to do it:
The Lord Chamberlain, in terms the most honourable, has, with the Queen’s approbation, offered me the vacant Laureateship. Had I been several years younger I should have accepted the office with pride and pleasure; but on Friday I shall enter, God willing, my 74th year, and on account of so advanced an age I begged permission to decline it, not venturing to undertake its duties.
For though, as you are aware, the formal task-work of New Year and Birthday Odes was abolished when the appointment was given to Mr. Southey, he still considered himself obliged in conscience to produce, and did produce, verses, some of very great merit, upon important public occasions. He failed to do so upon the Queen’s Coronation, and I know that this omission caused him no little uneasiness.
The same might happen to myself upon some important occasion, and I should be uneasy under the possibility; I hope, therefore, that neither you nor Lord Lonsdale, nor any of my friends, will blame me for what I have done.
In other words, “I know the guy who had this gig before me, and it was a nightmare.”
Unfortunately for Wordsworth, the prime minister got involved. Robert Peel interceded on Wordsworth’s behalf, writing:
‘Do not be deterred by the fear of any obligations which the appointment may be supposed to imply. I will undertake that you shall have nothing required from you.
Now, there are two lessons we could learn from this.
When an offer comes your way and you don’t like the terms, you’ll be amazed at what happens when you say NO and mean it. Suddenly the terms become wildly flexible, and all burdens and impediments are lifted.
OR…
Never give a reason for saying no, because people will find a way to remove whatever that impediment was. That leaves you in the unfortunate position of now having to say yes.
Which is exactly what Wordsworth did. Notice how careful he was to re-state the terms upon which he was accepting the offer. That’s a pro move.
My Lord,Being assured by your Lordship’s letter and by one from Sir Robert Peel, both received this day, that the appointment to the Laureateship is to be considered merely honorary, the apprehensions which at first compelled me to decline accepting the offer of that appointment are entirely removed.
Sir Robert Peel has also done me the honour of uniting his wish with that which your Lordship has urged in a manner most gratifying to my feelings; so that, under these circumstances, and sanctioned as the recommendation has been by her Majesty’s gracious approval, it is with unalloyed pleasure that I accept this high distinction.
I have the honour to be, my Lord, most gratefully,
Your Lordship’s obedient humble servant,
William Wordsworth
Wordsworth went on to become the only Poet Laureate, before or since, to write absolutely no official verse while in office. Nicely done, WW.
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What a delightful post, Amy! Graceful prose and a reminder of how gracious a ‘no’ can sound. Learning to say no is truly a skill. Sounds like you had a wonderful trip to the UK!
That sly Wordworth! I shall never read his poems again without thinking of the terms of his becoming poet laureate! Thank you for sharing your travels with us in print and painting!